What’s the best thing the mustache ever landed on? Oh, I used to have an answer for this? For your press junkets? In case Charles Kuralt asked you? One of the funniest times - this was years ago - it landed on Hilary Clinton.

If you want to have sex. My advice make sure your girlfriend is younger. The problem is she will remember the last time you had sex. You won’t. And guaranteed it was longer ago than you remember. My advice is don’t talk abo0ut sex in bed. Get up, make some tea, then chat. The thing to remember is you are not alone. And it is not the end of the world. Lots of our friends are going through these changes. When the topic of sex and menopause comes, my friends, who wouldn’t shut up about their sex lives we were all younger, clam up faster than Condoleeza under subpeona. And my girlfriend will bring it up. Like Women Like Me, she won’t let it go.

Since my vagina is now drier than my Thanksgiving turkey, I’m off to find that gel. That one kills my girlfriend and I always know we’re had a breakthrough when we laugh. Thanks again, Women Like Me, for your public service.

Scientists have known for many years that some chemical elements possess far more interesting properties than others (Beryllium, for example, is widely regarded as “tiresome crap” by the professional chemists who work with it) though it’s only relatively recently that “hyper-tedious substances” have become the focus of serious scientific research.

The capture of the Papal galleys gave Urūj what he wanted—rowers. He kept his Turks for fighting, and made the Christian prisoners work the oars; such was the custom of every Corsair down to the present century, and the Christian navies were similarly propelled by Mohammedan slaves. The practice must have lent a strange excitement to the battle; for then, assuredly, a man’s foes were of his own household. A Venetian admiral knew well that his two or three hundred galley slaves were panting to break their irons and join the enemy; and the Turkish Corsair had also his unwilling subjects, who would take the first chance to mutiny in favour of the Christian adversary. Thus it often happened that a victory was secured by the strong arms of the enemy’s chained partizans, who would have given half their lives to promote a defeat. But the sharp lash of the boatswain, who walked the bridge between the banks of rowers, was a present and acute argument which few backs could withstand.

Urūj had made his first coup, and he did not hesitate to follow it up. Next year he captured a Spanish ship with five hundred soldiers on board, who were all so sea-sick, or spent with pumping out the leaky vessel, that they fell an easy prey to his galleots. Before five years were out, what with cruising, and building with the timber of his many prizes, he had eight good vessels at his back,[Pg 40] with two of his brothers to help. The port of Tunis now hardly sufficed his wants, so he established himself temporarily on the fertile island of Jerba, and from its ample anchorage his ships issued forth to harry the coasts of Italy.

To be king of Jerba was all too small a title for his ambition. He aimed at sovereignty on a large scale, and, Corsair as he was by nature, he wished for settled power almost as much as he delighted in adventure. In 1512 the opportunity he sought arrived. Three years before, the Mohammedan King of Bujēya had been driven out of his city by the Spaniards, and the exiled potentate appealed to the Corsair to come and restore him, coupling the petition with promises of the free use of Bujēya port, whence the command of the Spanish sea was easily to be held. Urūj was pleased with the prospect, and as he had now twelve galleots with cannon, and one thousand Turkish men-at-arms, to say nothing of renegades and Moors, he felt strong enough for the attempt. The renown of his exploits had spread far and wide, and there was no lack of a following from all parts of the Levant when it was known that Urūj Reïs was on the war-path. His extraordinary energy and impetuosity called forth a corresponding zeal in his men, and, like other dashing commanders, he was very popular.

Well supported, and provided with such a siege-train as the times permitted, he landed before Bujēya in August, 1512, and found the dethroned king expecting him at the head of three thousand mountain Berbers. The Spanish garrison was collected in the [Pg 43] strong bastion, which the Count Don Pedro Navarro had fortified when he took the city, and for eight days the fortress withstood the battering of the Corsair’s ordnance. Just when a breach began to be opened, Urūj was disabled; a shot took his left arm away above the elbow. In the absence of their leader’s heroic example, the Turks felt little confidence in their superiority to Spanish steel; they preferred carrying their wounded captain to the surgeons at Tunis. Bujēya for the moment escaped, but the Corsairs enjoyed some little consolation in the capture of a rich Genoese galleot which they met on its voyage to the Lomellini’s mart at Tabarka. With this spoil Urūj returned to recover from his wound, while his brother, Kheyr-ed-dīn, kept guard over the castle of the Goletta, and began to bring the galleots and prizes through the canal into the Lake of Tunis, where they would be safe from pursuit.

He was too late, however. The Senate of Genoa was highly incensed at the loss of the galleot, and Andrea Doria, soon to be known as the greatest Christian admiral of his time, was despatched with twelve galleys to exact reparation. He landed before the Goletta, and drove Kheyr-ed-dīn before him into Tunis. The fortress was sacked, and half Barbarossa’s ships were brought in triumph to Genoa. Thus ended the first meeting between Doria and Kheyr-ed-dīn: the next was less happy for the noble Genoese.

Kheyr-ed-dīn, well aware of his brother’s fierce humour, did not dare to face him after this humiliation, but left him to fume impotently in his sickroom,[Pg 44] while he stole away to Jerba, there to work night and day at shipbuilding. Urūj joined him in the following spring—the King of Tunis had probably had enough of him—and they soon had the means of wiping out their disgrace. The attempt was at first a failure; a second assault on the ominous forts of Bujēya (1514) was on the point of success, when reinforcements arrived from Spain. The Berber allies evinced more interest in getting in their crops after the rain than in forcing the bastion; and Barbarossa, compelled to raise the siege, in a frantic rage, tearing his red beard like a madman, set fire to his ships that they might not fall into the hands of the Spaniards.

He would not show himself now in Tunis or Jerba. Some new spot must shelter him after this fresh reverse. On his way to and from Bujēya he had noticed the very place for his purpose—a spot easy to defend, perched on inaccessible rocks, yet furnished with a good harbour, where the losses of recent years might be repaired. This was Jījil, some sixty miles to the east of Bujēya; whose sturdy inhabitants owed allegiance to no Sultan, but were proud to welcome so renowned, although now so unfortunate, a warrior as Barbarossa. So at Jījil Urūj dwelt, and cultivated the good-will of the people with spoils of corn and goods from his cruisers, till those “indomitable African mountaineers,” who had never owned a superior, chose him by acclamation their king.

Good Vibrations: What are some of the possible effects of menopause on sexuality? What sorts of things can folks expect and what are some ways to respond to them?

Joan Price: Many women experience hot flashes, night sweats, sleep deprivation, and mood swings – which sometimes feel like PMS on steroids! – and, who can get in the mood for sex with all that going on? Trust me – it gets better after menopause, once your system calms down and adjusts to hormonal changes. Meanwhile, communicate clearly with your partner and your family, and try to take time for yourself – a “pause” – while you’re going through this emotional and physiological upheaval.

Once the extreme changes have ebbed, the ongoing challenges, from diminishing estrogren at menopause and beyond, include decreased vaginal lubrication and thinning of the labia and vaginal tissues. These changes can result in painful intercourse, a burning or stinging sensation, or even tearing. In addition, we may take much longer to become aroused and, after arousal, to reach orgasm.

For both of those challenges, it’s crucial to use a good, slippery lubricant. Even if you think you’re wet enough, your natural lubrication has changed – it’s thinner and less protective for your more delicate tissues. So experiment with a slick lube that feels good and doesn’t dry out or get tacky quickly. Personally, I love both Liquid Silk, which feels most like natural lubrication and stays moist through prolonged sex, and Eros, which is very slippery and comfortable.

Never use Vaseline, baby oil, cooking oil, or other greasy stuff you might have on hand. These are difficult to clean out of your vagina and can cause irritation or even infection. Use a lubricant made specifically for sexual comfort and pleasure.

You can buy samples of several different lubricants to find the one(s) that you and your partner prefer. Rather than being embarrassed about needing lubricant, make it part of your sex play by letting your partner apply it gently with caresses.

What are some of the relationship changes that people going through menopause might be dealing with? How might they choose to address them?

JP: The hardest part is talking about it. If you feel less sexy, or more self-conscious about your aging body, or frustrated with your changing sexual responses, talk to your partner and plan ways that your new needs can be incorporated into your love play. For example, you may need to communicate that you need longer foreplay, with more whole-body touching before your lover arrives at your hot spots. You may need to change the time of day that you have sex to times that you feel a combination of relaxed and alert – maybe morning, maybe late afternoon.

It’s also helpful to do other physical activities together, such as dancing, hiking, working out or even walking the dog. Being physical together – even when the activity is not specifically sexual – can lead to a enhanced body awareness and closeness. Exercise also increases blood circulation, which – ahem! – sends more blood to your genitals and brain as well as to your muscles! You may find that you feel sexier after exercise, more open to sensual exploration, so make use of it!

Realize that as our biological drive gets less urgent, we may find that leisurely sex is more satisfying than the frantic sex that was so exciting in our youth. Even something as simple as making love in the daytime instead of after dinner (I find I can’t digest and have satisfying sex at the same time!) may make a huge difference.

3) Are there specific sexual products that might be useful or fun for women experiencing menopause and/or their partners?

Oh yes! Here’s where a sex toy can be your new best friend. If you’re experiencing decreased sensation – a touch that used to set off fireworks in your brain and genitals now barely lights a spark, for example – try using a strong, plug-in vibrator for your clitoral stimulation. My personal favorite is the Eroscillator (I wrote about its pleasures at length in Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty!), and I also enjoy the Acuvibe.

If your partner is a man who resists sex toys, let him watch while you pleasure yourself and ask him to participate by kissing you, holding you, and touching you. Let him run the vibrator over his nipples and genitals, if he wishes. Encourage a “threesome” – the two of you and the vibrator – so that he doesn’t feel “replaced.”

4) For women who want to talk to their doctors about menopause and sexuality, what are some ways to bring the topic up? What questions might they ask?

I wish doctors would automatically ask, “Is there anything about your sexual response that you would like to ask about?” But since few do this, please take it on yourself to bring up the subject.

It’s crucial to describe any changes in sexual response to your doctor, not just to live with diminished pleasure. Your doctor may want you to go on HRT, or use the estrogen ring or cream, or take a testosterone test to see if you need that hormone, which also affects sexual response in women. Sometimes changed sexual response can be a sign of another problem – a medical condition that needs to be addressed, or a drug interaction that can be resolved with a change of medication. Find out what’s going on with you. Encourage your partner to consult a doctor about his or her changing sexual responses, also.

If your doctor seems unwilling or unable to help you, ask for a referral to another health professional. I’ve had terrific advice from a nurse practitioner at a major HMO – she keeps up to date on the research, and studies my medical history to give me personalized advice.

5) Do you have advice regarding hormone replacement therapy (HRT)?

I don’t give medical advice, and my personal experience should never be confused with scientific proof that something works. Even if something does work for me, or for your best friend, that doesn’t mean it will work for you, or that it won’t have undesirable side effects or interact with a medication you take in a way you don’t expect. Please consult your own healthcare provider to find the best medical or alternative solution for you. Tell your doctor about any herbs or supplements you are taking, because they may have effects you don’t realize.

Women can now expect to live an average of eighty-two years, which means that women will now live one third of their lives postmenopausally, points out Sheryl A. Kingsberg, Ph.D., a sex researcher.

We all need to make our own decisions about HRT and alternatives, and what to do about the effects of dwindling hormone levels. We’re all different, and we can’t know for sure whether, in our individual case, HRT is good for us or bad for us, and which type/combination/brand might be better or worse.

For now, I’m happy using only an estrogen ring internally to thicken the vaginal skin so I don’t tear, and lubricant for comfort during sex. My nurse practitioner tells me the effects of the ring are local and are thought not to affect the rest of the body.

We’re offended by outdated stereotypes of asexual older women, and we’re not going to hide behind them at this time of our lives. Specifically, we’re not going to roll over and play dead when our private parts are concerned. Admittedly there are problems with sex after menopause, but we can adjust to our post-menopausal changes without losing our sexy zest.

Juicy is an attitude, I’ve come to realize, based not on the flow of our vaginal secretions but on physical well-being, emotional state, mental attitude, and love of sex. Here’s to post-menopausal zest – and understanding lovers!

Copyright 2007, Joan Price

I’ve heard that the estrogen ring can do wonders for women; it is inserted and left in the vagina for 3 months, I believe. I chatted with Joan Price about the water-based lube and silicone-based lube combo she speaks of in her book. The only problem with her suggestion, which I addressed with her, and she even said that she has heard the same thing from her clients, is that she suggests using Liquid Silk as the H2O lube. This can be problematic due to the heightened sensitivity of the mucous membranes of the vulva and vagina that menopausal women begin to have. Liquid Silk contains parabens and other chemicals that lots of these women have negative reactions towards. I suggest using H2O based lubes that are on the more natural side (i.e. Pleasureglide, Probe, Sliquid H20, Sensua Organics) to avoid a negative chemical reaction. Then, apply a layer of silicone-based lube (Pink is my personal fave to suggest since it contains both Aloe Vera—a main ingredient in Pleasureglide—which gives the body the moisture it needs and feels really good, and Vitamin E). The water-based lube gives the body the moisture it needs, since silicone-based alone will not do that. Silicone’s molecules are too large to be absorbed by the body, and will not remedy the dryness issue if used without water-based lube. Applying a layer of silicone lube after the water-based creates a blanket, of sorts, keeping the moisture in, and creating a very slick exterior.

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Some women are only bothered by the dryness during intercourse or penetrative sex. In cases such as this, a thicker lube, like a gel-based lube can help. Or, a silicone based lube is great for extended lovemaking sessions. Arousal and climax can take longer as we age, so having a silicone lube that does not dry out will help keep the moment going as opposed to having to stop activity to get lubed up again.

If a woman is experiencing dryness during her daily goings about—it is painful to walk, friction from undergarments, etc—a water-based liquid lube like Good Lubrications Liquid is very helpful. The liquid is close to the natural secretions women produce, and applying a bit to the inner labia, around the vaginal opening and in the folds between the inner and outer labia will help reduce the irritation. And, it won’t stain your undies.

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Dryness can be a common result of hormonal changes a woman’s body goes thru during menopause, and can affect women who are not going thru menopause. We recommend using lubricant if you are experiencing dryness. The longest-lasting lubricants are those that are silicone-based. They are essentially waterproof and our bodies don’t absorb the silicone lubricant because they are not water-based. A good one that is becoming popular these days is Pink Lube. It’s also beneficial because it has Aloe and Vitamin E which can be moisturizing.

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When I was working at the store we would get questions from time to time; folks would come in asking about lubricants, dilators, toys etc. They frequently would get a snippet of information from their health care provider, like “go to GV and get lube” but that’s it. No mention of what lube, why, how to use it, etc. Over the years I have discussed that after menopause the vagina becomes an estrogen-deprived area and estrogen is what keeps the walls elastic…take that away and the elasticity decreases, sometimes making it painful and prone to tears. I have suggested lubricants free of propelyne glycol and lubricants with Vitamin E and Aloe as they are nourishing to the skin. The book Better Than I Ever Expected (by Joan Price) has been a good resource for some women. I have also talked to women about Kegel exercises, as the bladder is affected by menopause; it becomes thinner as well. The postmenopausal vagina and bladder are more susceptible to bacterial infections. I have also talked to transmen, as this is an issue for some transmen post hysterectomy, and the only info out there for trans men is post menopause stuff for older women.

Lots of women have come in feeling as though their sex life has been taken away and that they are no longer women. I have said that sexual response varies over a lifespan, and the concepts of what “sex” is varies as well, and it can be a time to discover new things.

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I recommend Hydra-Smooth to menopausal and post-menopausal customers. Not only is it hypo-allergenic and glycerin free, but it moisturizes with Vitamin E and Aloe too! It also contains both collagen and elastin, which coupled with the moisturizers, may make insertion and friction easier for women who suffer pain from dryness and thinning vaginal walls.

Painful Intercourse

The root of this problem must be undone; for most women with male partners, once their partner has an erection that will most likely lead to the penis going into the vagina. If you do research on the male arousal cycle vs. female, they are two completely different creatures. This can go tenfold for women experiencing the physiological changes of menopause. In order for intercourse to feel pleasurable, a woman must go through the physiological changes of arousal…which can take up to 30 minutes for some women—not 2 or 5 like it can be with males. The bottom line here is to promote lots of external stimulation! Using a lubricant or oil, massage the vulva for an extended period of time. I like to approach this situation like this: if your back is sore and you are experiencing pain, what feels good? Answer: a massage! Same thing goes for the vulva. At the very least, even if your libido is low and your goal isn’t to have a mind-blowing orgasm, massaging the vulva increases blood flow to that area, resulting in healing. This also keeps everything “alive” down there, so to speak. Most sex education (if not all) has focused on penetration of the penis into the vagina. People are not taught that approx. 90% of all women require some sort of external stimulation in order to achieve orgasm. I cannot stress enough the importance of vulva massage for this issue—whether it be done with fingers or a vibe, before and during penetration. I also suggest using a vibrator internally to increase the blood flow. I remind women that they won’t really feel the vibration inside of the vagina—the nerve endings won’t respond to subtle sensation like that, but they are doing something therapeutic for their body.

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With this one I definitely recommend seeking medical assistance first and foremost. There maybe a physical condition that is giving you pain during intercourse. If they have been to a doctor or gynecologist I would also recommend using lubricant; maybe even a thicker lubricant like our own Please Gel. I might also inquire as to what sexual positions were painful and maybe suggest positions that are a bit easier on a woman’s body such as woman-on-top during penetrative sex. I would also ask if she has the same experience if she masturbates and uses a toy that penetrates.

Ease of Arousal/Low Sex Drive

I like to suggest books and videos to help stimulate the libido. This can also be a great way to learn new techniques. I think it’s really important to remind folks that the whole body is a sex organ, and suggest alternative methods of expressing sexuality, whether that be through reading the Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, or the use of sex toys. As we get older, what used to work for us sexually may not do so any more. This allows for us to get creative with our sexuality. Menopause can actually be a catalyst for women to explore their sexuality, and thus discover untapped potential of their body’s pleasure possibilities.

If a woman comes in letting me know she can not get aroused in a certain amount of time she is comfortable with I would recommend purchasing a DVD or book of our erotica. I would let her know a certain component of our sexual arousal is mental and that watching an adult movie or reading erotic short stories might stimulate that mental part to sexual arousal. If the person seems open to it, I might also suggest some of our BDSM products like a feather, blindfold, etc.

I would also recommend seeing a physician; low sex drive can be a side effect from medication, symptom of depression, physical, etc.

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Ease of arousal and low sex drive are a bit tricky. A lot of arousal and drive have to do with how we feel about ourselves. If a woman has a dry vagina, is experiencing mood swings and middle age spread—well, those are all passion killers. Not to mention the survey I just saw online about gray hair that stated that men with gray hair are “mature, sexy, handsome” while women who let the gray show are “crones, old, undesirable.” What ever happened to wise, learned, experienced?

I like to try to suggest reading erotica to help get the arousal juices flowing. Our minds are the biggest sex organ we all have. Getting into a hot and naughty story may get those chemicals going, and in turn the passion will turn on. And, you might get some fun ideas for bedroom games as well.

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Hot Flashes/Night Sweats

I’ve heard Black Cohosh works wonders (I read it in Our Bodies Ourselves: Menopause)!
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Again, I think this is mainly for them to ask their physician first. The hormonal changes that come along with menopause can cause sleep pattern difficulties and hot flashes. Maybe, with the hot flashes I would suggest our Striptease Kit, I mean if she’s hot she can use that to her advantage (just kidding here!).

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Night sweats suck, bottom line. Waking up in wet sheets isn’t fun. Keeping the bedroom cooler will help with the sweats and a cooler bedroom will also help with ease of sleep, getting to sleep and staying asleep. A fan in the room might help with the sweats as well, or having the fan blowing on her side of the bed. If she wears night clothes, light cotton or poplin may be a better choice than flannel. Or shortie PJ’s, or TJ’s—a sort of tee shirt top and bottoms.

Hot flashes or flushes can be dealt with by breathing through the flash. When you start to feel the heat turn up, focus on taking several deep breaths and slowly exhale. This will alleviate the flash, or shorten its duration. Keeping a little battery powered personal fan in your handbag for emergencies is helpful as well. Most hot flashes are short in duration, but it can be embarrassing to suddenly look like you ran a marathon while you are giving that speech to the Ladies Amputation Reattachment Society meeting. Dress in light layers so you can shed clothing if you need to.

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Vulva Pain

The tissues become very thin inside and out—many women complain of discomfort with external massage/vibration. For this issue, I recommend gentle vulva massage and receiving oral sex, or perhaps wrapping a towel or blanket around the Hitachi to provide a diluted vibration to the entire vulva.